Conveying Warmth -- The Encouragement Approach, Part Four

A very important part of using the Encouragement Approach is recognizing our children’s efforts and improvements through such communication as:                               

“It looks as if you really worked hard on that.”

“It looks as if you spent a lot of time thinking it through.”

“I see that you’re moving along.”

“Look at the progress you’ve made.”  (Be specific, tell how)

“You’re improving in…” (be specific)

“You may not feel that you’ve reached your goal, but look how far you’ve come!”

Note of caution...

These and the other encouraging communications we have been learning can be discouraging to children when we use them with an “I told you so” or arrogant attitude.  Avoid giving with one hand and taking away with the other.  In other words, avoid qualifying or moralizing comments.

 

For example, avoid such communications as:                                                                                                                                  

“It looks like you really worked hard on that – so why not do that all the time?” or

“It’s about time” or

“See what you can do when you try?”   

                                                                                                                

Remember, the main reasons for using the Encouragement Approach is to show faith in our children so that they can come to believe in themselves, accepting them as they are, pointing out the positive aspects of their behavior recognizing effort and improvement, and showing our appreciation for their contributions.                               

(This positive parenting approach is more fully described, as I have been indicating, in such widely used Parenting Skill-Building Programs as Active Parenting and STEP – Systematic Training for Effective Parenting. To learn about these programs, click here.)

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