Bill Cosby and Parenting African American Children

The year long debate about comedian Bill Cosby's criticisms of the parenting of poor and uneducated African Americans has been strangely devoid of any appreciation of what has been happening over the last twenty years to assist such parents -- and their more educated and affluent counterparts -- to be as effective as possible in raising children of African descent. 

Mr. Cosby's criticisms have been particularly harsh concerning his economically and educationally disadvantaged peers.  They have stimulated heated discussions and even a new book written in rebuttal, "Is Bill Crosby Right? Or Has the Black Middle Class Lost It Mind?" by University of Pennsylvania professor, Michael Eric Dyson.

Yet neither of these highly educated men has said a word about the most direct way to help African American parents raise proud, healthy and achieving children, i.e., by educating them to be as effective as possible.

The failure to make this approach a part of this important debate is more glaring in light of the fact that for the last twenty years there has existed a parent effectiveness training program created just for African Americans, the Center for the Improvement of Child Caring's Effective Black Parenting Program.  This national model program honors and respects the unique heritage and characteristics of African Americans, directly confronts the racism that has made it so difficult to raise proud and achieving children, and teaches and reinforces basic effective parenting skills and strategies.

Not only has the Effective Black Parenting Program been in existence for over twenty years, but it has also been used with great success by thousands of African Americans who have enrolled in Effective Black Parenting classes that are being taught through local schools, churches and community agencies.

Parents who have completed these classes have been very enthusiastic:

"My son loves me now.  He doesn't fear me."

"It taught me to be more patient with my children, to listen, to know that they are little human beings and have feelings too.  Somehow that got lost --  so it put me back on track."

"I learned things from that class that I really needed to know. A lot of us didn't always get the structure from our parents, so we're trying to break out of that parenting style into one that will allow us to help our children meet their goals."

"I never gave my children a chance to express themselves.  It was always 'Shut up.  I'm the mother, you're the child.  What I say goes, and that's that.' But what I have come to realize is that children have ideas and opinions too and they need to express them."

"After taking the class, I would like to see more Blacks involved, including my family members.  My feelings are exactly like coming to know God. Once you have seen the light, you want everyone to see the same light so that we as a race will not parish."

"My world of parenting has been opened to a new horizon.  I'm a better mother and a better friend to my children."

"One of my sons is in prison for drug selling. Now I know from this class that if I had let him speak more than I used to, if I didn't always say, "Shut your mouth,' I don't think he would be in the position he is now."

"It's a positive influence to parents.  It brings us together as Black parents to understand more of each other's feelings and to help us set excellent examples for our children."

Given the existence of this culturally-specific program and these types of acknowledged benefits, it would seem wise for Mr. Cosby and Dr. Dyson --  and anyone else who is concerned about the plight of African American children --  to include mention of the Effective Black Parenting Program in their discussions.

(To learn about how and why the Effective Black Parenting Program was created, and how to bring it and other resources for educating parents of African Americans to your community, click here to read a special newsletter from the Center for the Improvement of Child Caring.)

Comments

[A. P. W.]

I must first begin with a correction. Bill's name is not just Mr. Bill Cosby it is DR. BILL COSBY! His name has Ed.D. behind it meaning he has a doctorate in EDUCATION! I can agree that there needs to be mention of how to solve the problem and I am going to make it a point to research the Effective Black Parenting Program. I would second like to comment on the one and only comment to this article. She speaks of reinventing the wheel of raising children. It is rearing children and as advocate you seem to be blaming others except the parents. You have five children and you say that the schools are teaching sex, drugs, etc. education well, as a teacher holding several degrees in education if parents were doing their jobs we would not have to teach these subjects along with the core curriculum. We would not have an abundance of single parents with more than one child or maybe even two. As for your GOD statement lets stop using GOD as an excuse for all. You say we have moved away from GOD. The one thing that GOD has never said is be stupid. He gave us all brains and he expects for us to use them. When you come into to the schools and teach your children then you can speak out on what teachers are doing wrong. There is a reality that we see in schools that parents seem to hide behind and that is the value of education. It starts at home not with us. Yes, you are correct parents are their child's mentor not us but, we end up lying and cheating the system because parents don't accept their responsibilities. It seems to me that you speak a lot about sex, drugs, stds, etc. it seems that you as a parent are trying to find yourself. Maybe, a formal education and some strong soul searching maybe of help. As an educator I stay in a lot of trouble because I speak my mind and don't allow parents to shift their responsibilities upon me. Again, I do hear you doing a lot of blaming on others. Stop using GOD as your excuse for the what has been taken out of the home, school and the church. You mention sex as if you were a virgin of five. Yes, I am a single mother of one with a college degree and she has no children and she has a mother with several degrees and approaching the final count down of a doctorate. We use GOD as an excuse for our mistakes instead of coming to terms with our mistakes and never making them again. Then and only then can you truly give praise and serve GOD!

[smfrench]

I do not agree with every thing Bill Cosby is saying about raising the children. For one people are trying to reinvent the wheel on child raising. Americans are so trying to take God out of every facet of life until all man attempts at things all ends as failure. God knew actually how He made man and what is in man. He said it in His word "He that spares his rod hate his son" It was God who invented spanking. God also said "Foolishness is in the heart of a child and the rod of correction will drive it far from them" We have become a society of people where we no longer trust in God or His word. People now adays look to the Government to raise their children or celebrities. God never intended for the Government, schools, teachers, celebrities to raise our children. If God did not want us to be parents with responsibility over our "Own" children He would not equipped people to have them. Parents are so afraid to raise their children with children and families breathing down their necks and schools teaching our children about sex, drugs, and abuse; this is the reason why our children are in the state that they are in. This is a law of God that man has broken and there are always consequences with GOD when this happens. I speak not from someone on the outside looking in; I am a mother of five, I have worked with children and families as a parent advocate and parent facilitator. Parents are the real mentors in a child's life whether the parent is good or bad and parents teach children from the time they are conceived in the womb. Parents must have the responsibility and the right to raise their own children again. This has been taking away from the parents. The government talks about abuse but in the public schools our children are being abused with tasers guns, security officers, locked school gates, and metal detectors. Something is really wrong with this picture. The public school say they are doing the best teaching our children but the children are having sex, babies, and stds, learning about homosexuality and being molested and rape by the instructors everyday. Something is really wrong with this picture too. Man has to stop trying to reinvent the wheel on things that God has already laid down the law for and get back to the Basics--"God's Holy Word" and stop trying to act like He doesn't exist because He does hear and see what man is doing and He is sending down "Judgement"