Educated Parenting

More on Making Effective Parenting a Priority...And the Presidential Election

It has been a year since it was announced here that a National Effective Parenting Initiative (NEPI) had been started to help make both effective parenting and parenting education national priorities.

Much progress has been made, including having generated a White House Briefing on a proposal to have a Department of Effective Parenting that would assist all parents and all communities in raising healthy and achieving young people. NEPI now has three membership programs with many membership benefits and related newsletters.  There is now a membership program for Parents, for Professionals who deliver services to children, parents and families, and for Organizations that help parents.  All of these programs are available on the NEPI website, www.effectiveparentingusa.org.

Right now myself and other leaders of NEPI are trying to raise consciousness among the candidates for the presidency that they should be including the needs of the more than 100 million voters who are parents in what they are proposing to do for our nation.  Up to this time, none of the candiates have even commented on the importance of helping America's parents in the awesome job of raising the next generation.

Making Effective Parenting a Priority

On several prior occasions, I have spoken about the need for a national effort to promote effective parenting and parenting education.

Well, such an effort has begun!

A coalition of concerned individuals and organizations has started NEPI, the National Effective Parenting Initiative.  Its goal is to have every child in our country effectively and humanely raised by parents who receive the best possible parenting education, training and support.

You can become part of this important grassroots endeavor by visiting the NEPI website and learning about all of the involvement opportunities.

You can also make a statement right now by signing The Effective Parenting Petition to let the nation and our elected representatives know that effective parenting MUST be made a local and national priority!

Do participate.  And do let me know what you think about NEPI.

Conveying Warmth -- The Encouragement Approach, Part Four

A very important part of using the Encouragement Approach is recognizing our children’s efforts and improvements through such communication as:                               

“It looks as if you really worked hard on that.”

“It looks as if you spent a lot of time thinking it through.”

“I see that you’re moving along.”

“Look at the progress you’ve made.”  (Be specific, tell how)

“You’re improving in…” (be specific)

“You may not feel that you’ve reached your goal, but look how far you’ve come!”

Note of caution...

Conveying Warmth -- The Encouragement Approach, Part Three

The Encouragement Approach also involves using communications and phrases that show confidence:

“Knowing you, I’m sure you’ll do fine.”

“You’ll make it!”

“I have confidence in your judgment.”

“That’s a rough one, but I’m sure you’ll work it out.”

“You’ll figure it out.”

Encouragement also entails our focusing on the contributions that our children make and showing our appreciation through such statements as:

Conveying Warmth -- The Encouragement Approach, Part Two

Learning the Encouragement Approach is particularly important if you have been in the habit of discouraging children.

We discourage children when we have unreasonably high standards, such as when we expect them to do well in all endeavors, or to have every hair on their head in place, or to expect their rooms or personal spaces to be “as neat as a pin.”

We also discourage children when we promote competitions between brothers and sisters, or have double standards where we expect cleanliness from children but not from ourselves.

Using encouragement means emphasizing the positive.  It means using phrases that show acceptance of a child and phrases that recognize effort and improvement, such as:

Conveying Warmth -- The Encouragement Approach, Part One

Parental warmth and acceptance are pivotal ingredients in effective parenting, according to research conducted worldwide with families from all walks of life and all cultures (See Parenting Research, July 19, 2005).

There are many ways for parents to convey warmth and acceptance.

An approach that many parents have found to be particularly helpful is called Encouragement.

The use of Encouragement not only lets children know they are loved but it also builds their self-confidence and self-esteem.

Encouragement does this because it focuses on children’s assets and strengths.  It also helps them learn from their mistakes, without dwelling on them.  It helps them to believe in themselves and their abilities.  For example,

Are Kids Too Wired For Their Own Good?

That was the questioned posed by Time Magazine on the cover of its March 26, 2006 edition.  The related story dealt with such matters as whether the extensive use that today's kids are making of such technologies as computers,the Internet and videogames are causing new problems in parenting and possibly undermining the quality of family life.

The evidence from studies cited in the story, including a Kaiser Family Foundation study that showed that the average 8 to 18 year old is spending 6.5 hours a day using electronic media, indicates that most parents are at a loss as to how to deal with this situation and especially how to deal with kids who recede into cyber cocoons for hours at a time when in the home.

They cite many examples of how kids are too wired to even acknowledge the presence of parents, let alone greet them when they come home.

What do you think about this situation?

Should parents receive training in how to cope?

Financial Mentoring and Children's Allowances

Lately I have speaking about the need for parents to be financial mentors to their children.  I have also been bringing attention to some practical tools that can be used for these purposes, such a piggy bank and children's book that engages the imaginations and curiosity of young children and teach them that money can be used for saving, investing and charitable giving, as well as for buying things they want.

Parents can also teach their children about wise money management the minute they begin to provide an allowance.  They can do this by having their children earn their allowances.

When children earn their allowances through carrying out useful family and community chores, they learn that money is related to work and that the work they do is valuable.

Having children earn their allowances involves devising a system where they earn a portion of their allowance each day by completing chores, and having a chart to keep track of chores and earnings.

A great tool for doing this is called

How Parents Can Begin to be Financial Mentors to their Children

Earlier I raised the question of whether parents should be provided formal training in mentoring and guiding their children's financial literacy.  My answer was, Yes.  Parents need and deserve education to help their children in knowing how best to spend money, how to save and invest, and the importance of also using money for charitable and humanitarian purposes.

Now, how can this begin to be accomplished and how early should the mentoring start?

First of all, parents need a framework in which to think about these issues, some guidelines to share with their children, and some tools to use in educating their children early in life.

A framework that has been suggested in the new field of financial literacy for children to help children build wealth and control their finances is called

Parents As Financial Mentors to Their Children?

It has always been a good idea for parents to teach their children about the value of money and how best to spend it.  It has also always been wise for parents to teach children about the importance of saving and investing, as well as how money can be used to make a difference in this world through charitable giving.

But most parents do not feel comfortable or properly qualified to carry out these financial mentoring tasks.  For example, a 2003 survey of parents by Fleet Boston revealed that only 27% felt well informed about managing household finances.  Fewer than half felt they are good role models for their children regarding saving and spending.

Their actual spending habits reflect why so many feel they are not good models.  The average credit card debt in 2004 among 25 to 35-year-olds, including parents, was $5,200 which is twice what it was in 1992.  And over 60% of families pay the minimum amount of their credit cards, creating a continuous family debt situation.

At the same time, their children receive little outside education on financial management and the majority still look to their parents as their primary teachers in these areas, according to surveys of students by Capitol One.  Of the participating students, the majority failed a basic quiz evaluating their knowledge of financial management.

It seems to me that this situation speaks loud and clear for parents to receive education on how to mentor their children on financial matters like spending, saving, investing, and giving.

What do you think?

Should parents be provided with formal training in mentoring and guiding their children's financial literacy?